Woman tells MIL she can leave the house is she doesn't stop 'policing' the way she talks to her stepson. AITA? (2024)

Another time after Jake and I were married I called Devon my stepson. MIL only heard the son part and told me yet again Devon has a mom and I'm not her. I told her I said stepson. She was like oh, good, make sure you remember that.

Devon and I had some trouble for a while. Christy was encouraging him not to be nice to me like he was to his stepdad. So Devon had a period where he was disrespectful and said we're not stepmom/stepson. We did therapy, it helped. We went back to stepmom and stepson.

He did make it clear he didn't want me to call him my son. I respect that. I told him I'd always respect those boundaries for him but please let me know if anything does change, so I can make any needed changes and keep us strong.

MIL randomly asked sometime after this if I was back to claiming Devon as mine. Jake told her to stop. He told her she knew I wasn't doing that and she needed to let it go. We spent some time away from her, she apologized, mostly because FIL wasn't interfering like that and saw his grandson and son still.

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Jake and I have a son together now. Now MIL has flipped a switch because Jake and I have our own son together. She has decided I'm a monster for calling Devon my stepson still and she's now policing me staying stepson instead of son.

It's not like it comes up that often but it comes up often enough for her to be bothered by it. If I say I'm here to pick up my stepson instead of son, or say this is my stepson Devon. Jake told her to knock it off and she remembers what happened before with her policing me like this.

MIL dropped by the house to see the baby while my husband was at work. She brought it up to me again. She said now that Devon has a brother we need to stop the step crap and I should be calling both boys my sons. I told her to drop the topic. I did not want this to be a fight again.

She ignored me and told me I need to do better. I told her she needs to leave my house if she can't stop policing how I speak, that I would not allow it. She hadn't expected me to follow through. She also didn't expect Jake to be on my side. She said I was rude and refuse to discuss it like an adult. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

camkats said:

Omg NTA you can’t win with this lady! Ok the new rule is anytime she mentions this again she doesn’t see either grandson for 2 weeks. And multiple mentions are consecutive weeks- 3 mentions means 6 weeks total. And as soon as she mentions anything she has to leave immediately. Good luck!

hikergirl26 said:

NTA. MIL is though. I would not have lasted as long as you. Sounds like you are doing everything possible to have a relationship with your stepson. It is too bad other adults can't put aside their pettiness and think of the kids.

See Also

'AITA for refusing to travel to help my DIL and son with their baby? They won’t let me to stay over.'

DRTvL said:

NTA. I didn't understand why she was policing in the first place, but then changing the story and doing a 180 on it to force you to do the opposite made it 100% hypocrite behavior of her. Be nice or stay out are the 2 options for MIL.

Pladohs_Ghost said:

NTA. MIL deserves a "F off" and no contact following.

RoyallyOakie said:

NTA...This is ridiculous. Your husband should have put a complete stop to his mother's meddling at the very beginning. Your life is none of her business--full stop.

Timely_Egg_6827 said:

NTA - the presence of your son doesn't eliminate the presence of your stepson's mother. Being kind to the MiL, it may have been that she was worried about her first grandchild being hurt if you left and now you've have a child with her son, that's less likely. And she wants you to play happy families.

But the only person who can decide what he is comfortable calling you is Devon and only you know what you are comfortable being called. Tell the MiL to stop getting hung up on titles - Devon has at least 5 people who love him dearly. Her hangups are causing grief that could impact him.